A letter from a voter who is a thief.

 Dear Hon. Adan Duale,

I hear that you called me a thief, yes I am a voter and I am a thief. You see, Dear Adan Duale, I do agree, I am a thief and I am deeply ashamed of myself for having stolen from MPs.

I am an ordinary Kenyan who woke up at 5am, no, I slept at the polling station so that I would be among the first in line to vote for you. Unfortunately, by 11am, the polling station was not open yet and I still braved the scorching sun and waited for the polling clerks to finish their slumber and open up the stations. That day, you comfortably sat in your house, arrived at the polling station in a Prado and proceeded to the front of the line to vote for yourself. You are a Mheshimiwa and I am a thief.

I hear that they call you Honourable, and I shall call you thus. So, Hon. Duale, I am the thief who left her sukumawiki kibanda to come and cast my vote for you. I am that thief that owns a motorbike but decided that voting for you was a better venture that day than toiling for that 200 shilling note that I take home every day. By the way, how much is a 200 shilling note to you? I bet you do not even know how that note looks like. I have seen you count your money and you only handle millions, right? Besides, half a million pay is meagre pay to you. How do we, Kenyans, expect you, Mheshimiwa, to survive on a half a million shilling budget? Oh, and the car, house, entertainment etc allowances. Those are too little and cannot support your Honourable expenses.

So, let us talk about this half a million salary that cannot support your lifestyle. I wish that the thief in me could lay a hand on such an amount. Do you know what I would do? Oh, Honorable MP, I would expand my kibanda and open a duka, I would send my child to secondary school, I would buy myself a nice pair of shoes so that I do not go barefooted, my mother is sick but I cannot afford her hospital bill, I would finally be able to. I have always dreamt of owning my own 1-roomed house where my children would call home, I bet that I can have that with half a million shillings.

This letter is to apologize to you, oh dear Honourable MP. I have realized that I am  a thief and I sincerely apologize for robbing you of a comfortable life. But I know what you can do so that the thief in me does not interfere with your lifestyle. We can switch roles, spend a day being me and get to experience how a thief lives like.

You see, Honourable MP, I am the kind of thief who steals Museveni's cows and bundles them all inside Parliament Buildings to huddle closely and plot on how they are "going to protect the Constitution." I am a thief who had no sense of judgement before I decided to steal all 300+ cows and put them under one shed. What is it they say about a cow being a cow even if dressed in suits and sitted at the back of a sleek limousine?

Sincerely,

Kenyan Thief.